Imposter moments: why feeling out of place means you belong

Almost every client I've worked with over the last twenty years has, at some point, said some version of the same sentence: "I don't really feel like I belong here." It's usually said quietly, often near the end of a session, and almost always about a place they've worked hard to reach.

The phrase imposter syndrome gets thrown around a lot. I prefer imposter moments — because that's usually what they are. Not a permanent state, but a flicker. A quick, private question that pops up when the stakes rise: am I really the person who should be doing this?

Where imposter moments actually come from

Imposter moments tend to show up at a very specific point: when you've just levelled up. You've been promoted. You've been invited somewhere new. You've raised money. You've said yes to a role, a project or a title that previously sat above you. The old reference points don't fit any more, and the new ones haven't settled in yet.

That gap — between what you used to know and what you're now expected to know — is where imposter moments live. The feeling isn't a signal that you don't belong. It's a signal that you've just stepped somewhere new enough to require you to stretch.

What to do when they show up

When a client brings an imposter moment into a session, I don't try to argue them out of it. The feeling is real, and the evidence for it is, from the inside, quite convincing. Instead, we do three things:

First, we name it. Saying "I'm having an imposter moment about this presentation" is very different from secretly worrying you're a fraud. The second quietly erodes your confidence. The first gives you something you can work with.

Second, we look for the facts. What did people actually say? What did the data show? What happened the last time you were sure you weren't good enough — and then did it anyway? Most imposter moments don't survive careful contact with the record.

Third, we decide what to do next. Not in an abstract, "here's my ten-year plan" way. Just: what's the next visible, doable step? Making that step small enough to actually take almost always breaks the spell.

Belonging, on your own terms

You don't need to stop having imposter moments. You need to stop treating them as evidence. Over time, they become less interesting — a thing that happens, like weather, without needing to change your plans.

The people I've worked with who've stopped being derailed by imposter moments aren't the ones who figured out they were amazing. They're the ones who decided that even if they weren't 100% sure, they were going to do the work anyway, and let the confidence catch up at its own pace. That's the quiet, unglamorous secret.

If a version of this is sitting with you right now, you're probably exactly where you need to be. And if it would help to talk it through with someone, that's what I'm here for.